


Nothing Left To Say

by Inlustretlumine



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: AU, Action/Adventure, Angst, F/M, Humor, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:49:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4545543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inlustretlumine/pseuds/Inlustretlumine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After what felt like a million years Ivy was finally gonna leave Erudite and follow her aptitude test results which unsurprisingly were Dauntless. Her temper and lack of interest made her anything but Erudite, still her parents tried hard to keep her on a leash since they didn't want their reputation scattered but now they had no power over her. She was finally gonna be free or at least away from them. </p><p>This is slightly an AU about Eric and Ivy, I am not gonna do Eric so fluffy because am trying to keep him in character but he is definitely not heartless! Two years before Tris and everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> First of all English is not my first language so sorry if my writing sucks(just a heads up)!  
> I imagine Ivy and the rest of the initiates being 16 and Eric and Four being about 18.  
> Eric is gonna look like he did in the movie cause damn Jai looks good.  
> I am not gonna do Eric like this fluffy teddy bear, doing my best to keep him like he actually is and Ivy is not a good girl either. 
> 
> I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT. But I do own the characters you don't recognize

I was losing it, the waiting was killing me. The endless tossing and turning didn't make the time go any faster and sleep was the furthest thing from my mind.When the clock was 5 am I gave up and finally admitted that it wasn't possible for me to get any more sleep then the 3 hours.

I was so excited, finally after 16 years of faking and putting on a front to make my perfect Erudite doctor parents seem even more perfect it would be over! And today was the day, no more "practicing" for the future at the hospital and no more being apart of this sick twisted family. They would be furious over my decision but it doesn't really bother me. The only thing they really care about is their reputation and me being a perfect daughter who at such young age takes interest in the same work line as her parents was the best thing that happened to them! Though the truth is that they forced me, either that or they would have taken away any free time I had. I protested in the begging but it was just a waste of time.

Marlene Colin and Richard Colin are just two cold and unloving people whom definitely should not have had a child. Unfortunately they did. When I grew up I had a nanny and then with the years I had to manage mostly alone. In public they would always act so lucky about having me in their life but as soon as we got home they treated me like a helpless stranger.

* * *

 

I got up from the bed and headed for my bathroom. Feeling the the soft carpet under my bare feet as I walked in only a top and panties, the cold air suddenly hit my bare skin and goosebumps covered my body. As I opened the bathroom door it hit me, this is the last time I will ever be in this room and the only feeling I feel is excitement for finally being free from this hell hole!

Washing my face with the cold water was refreshing. I walk back into my room and take the navy blue suit hanging on the doorknob. Matching it with a lace blouse in an even darker shade of blue than my suit. Putting on the clothes with ease I take a moment to watch my self in the full length mirror. The girl before me is about 5'3 and has olive tanned skin, big brown eyes and long curly hair in the different shades of dark brown. It would be lie to say that I don't have hips, my figure is very feminine though my breasts are not big. During history class many years ago I read that my looks are very similar to the people who were from Persia or even a little bit like people from south Europe. Putting on a bit make up and flat ironing my hair was the last thing I did before leaving my room.

Since Marlene and Richard are doctors we live in a big apartment with a lot of space, very much appreciated! Easier for me to avoid them and probably for them as well. Walking towards the the last meal I will ever have to share with them I took my time looking around the apartment trying to gather as much images of the home in my mind. Though it was not really a home since I never had a feeling of safety or a welcoming feeling whenever I would return from school. Shaking off the all to familiar feeling of loneliness I turned left at the end of the hallway and barely brushed my fingers at the wall on my right side of old habit humming on a tune I could not remember the lyrics to.

* * *

"Good morning Yvonne" they said at the same time from their seats at the table. My mother was reading the paper and my father was typing something on his computer.

"Good morning" I said with a fake smile tugging at my lips, without any further communication we ate our breakfast.

When the feeling of someone watching me caught my attention I looked up from the book I was reading on my tablet and found out that the intense and almost desperate stare were my mothers eyes. My raised eyebrow seemed to take her out of her haze and suddenly she realized that she was staring. Clearing her throat and pulling her natural hazel brown hair into a ponytail she looked back at me and at that moment so did my father.

"we are proud of you Yvonne and both me and your father truly believe that you will make us proud during initiation" I almost choked on my water when she said that but immediately I knew that the only thing that woman wanted to find out was if I was gonna transfer or not. Again the fake smile crept on my face and I tried my best to keep a steady voice when I was gonna lie right to their faces, we weren't Candor after all so lying is never a problem.

"Yeah I am kinda nervous when it comes to the initiation part, but I guess all the hours spent in the hospital will give me an advantage" Wow, that was way easier than expected and the smirk that grew on their faces told me that they without doubt bought it. Only if they knew what I was really going to choose at the choosing ceremonial.

"Great, now lets go so we wont be late. There is a surgery waiting for me afterwards which is already pushed forward" my father said as he stood up from his chair and urged me and my mother as well.

putting on my high less black leather shoes I headed for the car not bothering to wait for Marlene or Richard. The car ride was nothing special, like always they talked and never cared to include me. Looking out of the tanned car window the Dauntless kept on jumping out of the moving train, that was gonna be me soon was all a could think about before I heard my father say we had arrived.

* * *

Marcus the leader of Abnegation gave a speech which I completely ignored listening to since my mind was preoccupied with taking in all of my surroundings. Knowing my name would be called out among first had my knees shaking with adrenaline, when he started with the letter C all I could think about was the fact that any moment now I would be free from the damn fucking noses.

"Yvonne Colin"  I froze for a brief moment before raising from my seat with such determination and without looking back at my parents walking down the stairs with my head held high.

he gave me the knife and I cut a bit of my hand open without flinching and held it over the Dauntless bowl, both gasps and cheering was heard and I headed to the cheering Dauntless people.

When I sat down it hit me, would I be able to handle it if I saw him there? Would he even remember or try again? My breath caught and fear rushed into my body. The images started to play in my head from that night and I was pretty sure that my nails had dig themselves so deep in my skin that blood was starting to spill. Suddenly a voice broke my moment of weakness.

"Hey nose we are leaving, are you already backing out?" The blue eyed dauntless born boy said smiling.

"You wish pretty boy!"

   

                          


	2. On The Right Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates on this story will be whenever I have time so stay tuned!
> 
> I DONT OWN DIVERGENT but I do own the original characters in this fanfic

The boy took my hand and dragged me with him out of the tall building we had just made the decision which would effect our entire lives. Before I knew it my legs were running and the rush of adrenaline took over me. The wind was cold against my exposed skin but it didn't bother me since my body temperature was rising with every step I took and my heart was beating in my ears the feeling is without doubt the best I've ever felt!

Me and the boy had started running a bit after the others but somehow both of us ended with the rest of the dauntless born kids at the front. With each step i took the only thing on my mind was that the distance between me and those damn noses was getting longer and longer. The smile that I couldn't hold back suddenly became cries of joy. Finally free.

"Woa calm down brown eyes you haven't even jumped on the train yet!"

"CALM DOWN? You have no idea how long I have waited for this pretty boy!"

"Hahaha stop calling me that! makes me sound like a baby" he gave me puppy eyes and then we burst out in laughter

"Oh SCREW THOSE FUCKING NOSES"

"Remind me to not get on your bad side" he said laughing, both of us breathing heavily we heard another dauntless born shouting at us to climb.

That's when I remember what he had said something about jumping on the train. Shit. Fuck it I thought it can't be that hard after all of them had done it million times and my eyes had often flickered to them when they would have jumped out of the moving train to get to school. My suit jacket was a bit tight for this kind of movement but I somehow managed to climb up without any difficulties. The girl who had shouted at us stood beside me and she was smirking at me, suddenly i felt a bit awkward but she didn't look away.

"You didn't even hesitate before you climbed up, have you done this before?"

"Wish I had but it's not very classy of an erudite girl to behave like dauntless"

"Why does the noses always have to kill the fun?" she was laughing and I couldn't help but laugh as well

* * *

 

 

"I see you have met my new girlfriend brown eyes so stop flirting with her Zoe!" the dauntless boy said and out of the blue putting his arms around me which he should not have done.

Taking his hand I spun him around and twisted his arm putting just enough pressure on it to not break but still hurt. He hissed and the girl let out a shocked gasp. I released him and he took a step back.

"Shit chill brown eyes it was a joke" he was rubbing his wrist and staring daggers into me.

"ughh, it's your fault idiot" Zoe said sounding amused "You don't make fun of a girl and get away with it if she knows how to kick your but"

"Whatever" he said rolling his eyes

* * *

 

The rails started shaking and the boy looked at me again a bit irritated "It's easier if you run and then jump" and with that he started running and with ease he jumped in after Zoe and other dauntless born initiates.

My heart started beating and the realization that either death or life as factionless was waiting for me if didn't make it switched off any emotion connected to fear and I guess that is good since I made the jump and landed in the one with almost all of the dauntless born.

"Looks like nose transfer knows how to do it" some dark haired boy said to his friends and a smirk was visible on my face.

Looking around I noticed that there was only dauntless born in this cart and no other transfers, I couldn't help but feel a little proud of myself and some of them even had approval stares which I'm very grateful over since having any enemies this early on was only going to make the whole initiation processes ten times worse.

Headed to the empty seat I saw Zoe waving me over "Hey brown eyes over here" she patted on the spot next to her on the ground as she was leaning with her back on the train wall, on her other side the pretty boy was sitting talking to some other people.

"I like you! So for that you get to sit with us!"

"Who said that I want to sit with you at all?"

"Oh a cocky one! You're definitely gonna have to watch it with the leaders, just a little heads up" she closed her eyes and tilted her head back and I took my seat next to her taking this time to actually look at everyone.

Zoe had green eyes and really dark blue hair that ended at her shoulders, both of her arms had ink on them and they also looked strong. If I had arms like that I would never ever have long sleeves. Of course she was clad in black clothes all of them were. But she barely had any make up and no pricing that I could see at least.

My gaze drifted over to the poor boy I had almost broken a bone of his body for touching me. It was not his fault but I couldn't help it, my damn paranoid reflexes. Looking at him I realized he was not hard on the eyes. His deep blue colorful eyes are really beautiful and his short brown hair suits him and his physic truly was amazing. Knowing it would be extremely embarrassing if he caught my glance I looked away and I didn't want to give him the wrong ides either.

Now that the adrenaline kick was over my body started to feel the impact of the running and jumping, before I could think any further Zoe grabbed my hand and pulled me up gesturing for me to follow. 

They were jumping. Jumping out of a moving train. These damn junkies!!!

* * *

 

"Are you scared sugar?" Zoe asked ready to jump

"Hell no just trying to think of the best way of jumping and not hurting myself to bad" scared? oh, no that I was definitely not. Exited was the feeling!

"Stop being a nose and just jump and try to roll over yourself making the blow to your ankles less hurtful" and with that she was gone.

I did as she told me and didn't land all to bad, some bruises would though show tomorrow.

"That was not to bad for a first time, you'll get the hang of it after sometimes" She said sounding a bit pleased with herself 

Now on the roof I started counting all of the transfers, 5 from candor, 7 from erudite I didn't recognize any of them really only familiar faces from different classes and then the last two jumpers they were from Amity. And no one from abnegation.   

      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me what you think!  
> Eric will finally appear in the next chapter, I will try to post it tomorrow!  
> Xx


	3. Cold eyes

Looking around I didn't feel very threatened by most of the other transfers but the dauntless born were an other story, some even looked like they would be at least three years older than the rest of us. Everyone started walking towards a ledge and I followed swift after, keeping mostly to myself even though Zoe was walking beside me. I've never really needed much friends and being by myself have always been the way I have lived but maybe not being so lonely all the time won't hurt. Deep in my thoughts I didn't realize that all the initiates had stopped talking and some even started looking at their feet almost like they wanted to make themselves vanish into thin air. I was curious about what was making some initiates freeze from fear until I saw him standing there up on that ledge. They way he held him self up screamed authority and power. His intense stare made my skin crawl and a I nervously shifted. He was absolutely beautiful though, even with that cold stare and all those tense muscles he was breath taking in his own way which made it impossible for me to look away from him and I guess he could feel my intense stare because all of the sudden he shifted his eyes from inspecting all the initiates catching me of guard with his emotionless stare but as soon as he look at me something changed in his expression and I can't really put my finger on it. Suddenly it hit me, I knew him from somewhere. But how? He practically looks like he was raised to be a dauntless leader of some kind. He was still staring at me and I felt a bit uncomfortable under his cold gaze but I didn't wan't him thinking that i was a cowered and wouldn't dare to even look at him so I decided that if anyone was going to break eye contact it would not be me. "For those of you idiots who don't know who I am my name is Eric and I am one of the leaders here at dauntless" he said sounding utterly bored and not looking away from me. I could see a smirk working it's way on his face before he spoke again. His name was Eric... Oh god! No way, could it be Eric Coulter! Of curse it was him, I would never forget how beautiful those blue eyes are. I'm pretty sure he saw my jaw drop and his smirk even grew wider, did he remember me? Before I could think any further he broke our little staring contest and raised his voice. "All of you fools whom already think that you are dauntless need to realize that you are NOT" I swear to god he sounded pleased with that "If you don't pass initiation you will end up factionless since your family's won't take you back” he said as if it didn't bother him at all. I didn't care either because I never ever want to return to erudite. “To enter the compound you have to jump initiates! So who is going to be first? And no smart mouth” he said pointing to a boy whom was just about to ask a question. Before I even knew it I had taken big steps forward and soon Eric's gaze was on me. He reached out with his hand and I took it looking straight into his eyes. He helped me up and his eyes held no emotion at all, like a cold winer storm. His hands were ruff and twice the size of mine. “Why are your hands so damn cold?” He asked me. Taken away by the question I couldn't really answer. And in that exact moment he let go of me and with a mocking and irritating tone said “well are you ever going to jump?” With that I took a step and fell.


	4. Tell me, please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry guys for not updating but I've had a lot to do lately.

That wasn't to hard.

The net that had caught me was being pulled at on one side and woman helped me down. "What's your name?" she said while steadying me. I had been waiting for this my entire life, and finally getting the chance to change my name from Yvonne that my parents thought sounded mature and suited a doctor made it all seem so incredibly real!

"Hello, are you in there? What's your name blue pants?" she said mockingly however not in a rude way.

"Ivy, my name is Ivy"

"FIRST JUMPER IVY" she said out loud for the dauntless to hear while ushering me to the side where a tall guy was standing. He looked me over but didn't introduce himself, something about him was off and I didn't like that. I always have been good when it came to reading people and he just doesn't impress me. He is standing with a big posture and looks kind of bored, however it all seems fake. I don't give it anymore thought and start focusing on the three other initiates that have joined me, two dauntless born and a boy from candor. One of the dauntless born kids walks over to me and I recognize him as the boy who made a comment when I jumped on the train. I prepare myself for a nasty comment from his side but I get surprised when he holds out his hand waiting for me to shake it, I shake it and he smiles.

"Hi I'm Liam and you just don't seem to stop impressing everyone"

"Don't know about that, haha I'm Ivy nice to meet you Liam"

"To bad that you are a transfer and wont train with us" he said actually looking disappointed, and I was frankly confused as to why he was being nice. It wasn't the fact that it seemed fake more the opposite he actually looked like he wanted to talk to me. It was more the fact that he looked like a douche. I guess lesson number one at dauntless is that I should not judge people on how the look.

 

We waited for the rest of the initiates to jump down until we could hear Eric shouting from the top that one initiate was out. I started counting everyone again not paying any attention to the the man and woman speaking in front of us until Liam pulled on my suit. I suddenly jerked my head towards him throwing him a nasty look for interrupting my investigation until he whispered.

"If you don't listen they will probably punish you, hell they might even hand you over to Eric since they have plenty to do and he won't be very nice."

"Aright, just don't touch me..." I said with a growl. Little did he know that I knew Eric perfectly well, I've seen first hand how cruel and dreadful he can be. However something that many people forget about him is that his anger and rage is for the most part a devise to make people fear him. Since he is a very smart man who probably spends a lot of time thinking about his actions before he does anything. Nothing about him is rushed or not thought through.

Mentally hitting myself in the head I realize that people are walking in different directions and I have no idea what I've missed...

The transfers head one way and the dauntless born the other, I follow the transfers and I am with that guy from earlier. Something about him is wrong bur I can't seem to figure out what is is...

Liam runs towards me before I'm of with the guy and whispers "He is Four and her name is Lauren" and before I get the chance to ask him what ridicules name that is he is gone headed towards Lauren's group. I guess he understood that I was not paying attention back there.

As we walk through the corridors I barely pay attention to Four, that is the most idiotic name choice if you ask me. I have walked here before and the concrete is pretty familiar. I remember once when I got lost during the first week of my medical training in the infirmary. It had been Marlene's and Richard's idea that I started working in the dauntless infirmary getting to learn in time and soon follow in their foot steps. I can still remember the day I got lost, It was almost a year ago and I had just turned 16 which meant that I was allowed to work in the healthcare facility's and dauntless was the only one with a spot open at the time. I was just glad that it was far from Erudite. I ran into the new initiates and imagined myself in their place, however that was a thought I kept for myself and never shared with anyone. Well for the the exception of him, I knew he wouldn't say anything since he barely knew me.

Now Four has arrived at the dorm and he has informed us of everything, but I already knew everything from the start since Eric lost a bet against me and that meant him telling me everything about stage one. The transfers ask a lot of questions and I head out the door to the hallway when I hear Four call for me. "Ivy wait a bit."

I lean against the door and send him an irritated look which seems to surprise him.

I feel someone behind me but don't bother to look until I feel a palm on the middle of my back and someone leaning in. My heart is beating so fast but I can't do anything, not even move.

"Is everything like you expected it be Colin? Or did you just come back cause you miss me?" when I hear that whispered in a low teasing voice I immediately relax and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

I turn around and smirk at him "Everything isn't about you Coulter" I had forgotten how tall, well build and handsome he is so close and I feel his intense eyes on me and I can always hear the weals in his brain turning.

"Why are you scared?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb you heard me."

"What makes you think I'm scared?"

"Don't sass me Yvonne... you know how much I hate that"

"it's Ivy."

"I get to call you whatever the hell I wan't! Now tell me what's made you so jumpy and why you have been investigating every single corner of the places that you have been at in dauntless so far. Both of us know that your are familiar with this compound. So spill"

He is looking at me dead serious and he seems pissed that he can't find out what it is, even more so the fact that I refuse to tell him and pretend that nothings wrong when I'm this close to loosing it right in front of him. However I know that there isn't any prof and my word against a member won't hold even if I can get Eric to help me. And if I tell him I'm pretty sure he is going to commit murder. So I smile at him and say the first thing on my mind.

"I can see that you've missed me Coulter, the other nurses aren't good enough?" He is growling now and gritting his teeth and I'm sure his jaw might break.

Before he gets the chance to say anything Four walks past us and eyes us suspiciously. I tap Eric on the chest and before I get the chance to go on forward after the transfers he grips my arm "We. Are. Not. Done."

"I'm fine dammit, let go of me I'm gonna loose the guy with the ridiculous name!" That seems to make him on a less cranky mood and he lets go of me.

"I'm not leaving your training to number boy, come to my place at 5am tomorrow. Understood?"

"Yes... Is this your way of getting me to spill?"

"So you admit that you're hiding something from me?"

"That's not wh... I mean, just leave it Eric."

"5am Colin!"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Don't push it Coulter."

I rush past him before he can utter another word and head for the cafeteria when I suddenly see what I've been seeing in every single nightmare, his face is just the same. His eyes lock with mine and I have the urge to trow up. Luckily he doesn't seem to recognize me probably since I'm wearing all black and the fact that it wasn't much of my face that he was looking at that time.        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I have not checked the writing or the grammer so I am sorry if it sucks...


	5. Only a year ago

Walking through the compound this early in the morning is not what I was expecting on my first day, or should I say night. I remember the route to Eric's place pretty well, after all I had to stich him up sometimes when he came back from patrols or things like that. Along the way we sort of ended up having a friendship of a kind, well as much as one can be a friend to Eric. He won't call it friendship in his own mind though, more like someone he doesn't want to punch on a daily basis. I've seen him hang out with other people however, it's pretty obvious that he keeps most of his personal life to himself. 

 

It was my first month in the dauntless infirmary and I had just finished my shift so I decided to finally walk around and see for my self what my future home would look like. When working there I never wore my blue erudite clothes for I didn't want to stand out and mostly because it was nice being rid of the blue for a while. That's when I saw a man, a big man walking in front of me and slightly limping on his right leg. I took some longer steps and was right in front of him. He was looking at me with an angry look but it didn't last long until he groand of the pain in his leg. I shifted my eyes from his and the next minute I was touching his leg.

"what the fuck do you think you are doing?" He was angry I could tell but I think it was his pride that was most hurt. I recognize him now, it was Eric the young fearless and dangerous leader.

"just chill, I'm only looking at how bad your gunshot wound is. You should really go to the infirmary and have it cleaned and stiched up!"

"I can mange on my own get out of my way!" He sounded really pissed now

I let him take some steps until I couldn't take it anymore, this stubborn asshole had to big of an ego and a really nasty wound. So I took one of his arms and swung it over my shoulder ignoring his snarl

"I don't know why I'm trying to help you, I even hate working as a nurse but can you just accept my help?"

"fine." He says it so firmly and forced that it sound like it physically pained him to accept my help.

"I'm not going to the infirmary, I have a first aid kit at home."

we walk in silence before he asks me sounding kind of curious.

"So you said you're a nurse then how come I've never seen you in the infirmary?" 

"Well... That's cause I'm not a dauntless. Yet."

he looks at me, up and down like he is just really saw me.

"So I'm guessing your erudite? You here by own will or your prants?"

"The latter." I say, now it's me sounding angry or maybe kind of disturbed

"why would I trust you with my wound then?" 

"Just shut up and open the door Eric! That might slightly have been the wrong choice of words...

"if you know my name then you know who I am. So I wouldn't raise my voice if I were you." He said it so dangerously low and through gritten teeth that I felt shivers down my spine

the next thing I know Eric is on his couch he has pointed to the kitchen for me to find the first aid kit.

He takes off his pants and I have a hard time not blush and looking somewhere I shouldn't cause damn he his one handsome asshole. I clean and stich up his wound in silence. He doesn't let out a sound at all when I'm certain that it must have hurt like a bitch. Getting it rid of the bullet, cleaning it and then stiching him up without any sedatives. However, I knew better than to argue with him about going to the infirmary I was surprised when he even accepted my offer of help. Why I felt so forced to help him is a mystery, even if I hate the nurse job I'm not bad at it, not at all. When I'm done I raise waiting for a thank you or maybe some sort of dismissal. However, none of that happens  who was I kidding this man doesn't even know the expression thank you!

We lock eyes for a brife moment and then I rise to my feet heading for the door before I hear him rise from the sofa. My hand is on the doorknob when I hear him say. 

"What's your name?"

turning my head around I coldly answer "Yvonne. Yvonne Colin" I just hate that name.

"Don't tell anyone about this, otherwise it won't end well for you."

"I wasn't planing on it." And with that I opened the door and was back in the hallway trying to register what just happened. I must have made some impression if he asked for my name. Or it could be for other reasons, like knowing who to kill since I saw him in a state he definitely doesn't want anyone seeing him in.

 

That was the first time I met the dauntless leader with those cold gray eyes, and now I just turned 17 and I'm finally an initiate. Over the year that I worked there our short conversations eveloped slowly  to some kind of friendship. However, I would be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wanted him more then a friend should. But it's stupid, he could never feel the same. Not for someone like me. 

"Your late Colin. The fuck are you doing just waiting outside my door?"

"I was just.." Completely lost in my mind I rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hand and registered the fact that I had just been standing outside of his door a while daydreaming... "I'm just tired, that's all"

"You do know that you are a terrible liar? And stop whining if you want to be a dauntless, we have a lot of training ahead of us! And don't think for a second I'm cutting you any slack!" I swear he sounded thrilled and that just made me realize what he'll he was going to put me through, he won't be pleased with me just passing initiation. He is determined to train me to probably be the best in my class. Partly for selfish reasons, I assume that Four has something to do with it. For there is nothing Eric hates more than number boy. 

"Colin come on then or do you want to run extra laps?"

 

 

 

 

 


	6. What are we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the not so regular updates but I've got so much to do! All from school to work, so I will update when I have the time. Sorry...

"ERIC" I was screaming.

"Colin shut up and do what I say and you will get a price at the end!" he had that annoying frown plastered on his face standing too damn close. 

"Why the fuck did I let you train me, no sorry the right word would be KILL me!" I said still sitting in the fake chair done by my body pressed against the wall with some weight on my lap.

"Stop whining Ives, you need to get some stronger muscles you've already got the cardio" My legs were burning and shaking by now. "That's enough"

"Thank god! Get these weights off of me Coulter!"

"Oh it's Coulter now? It's Sir, leader or even trainer." he took the weights of my lap and I immediately fell to the ground!

"Don't flatter yourself dear" I was breathing so heavy now and my entire body was aching!

 

I have been training the entire day with him and with the transfers. No one knew of Eric's personal training session with me. I hadn't even bothered to learn any of the other transfers names and since dauntless had so man different gyms and training areas it was not suspicious if the other didn't see that much of me. And in the early hours and the late ones people were usually sleeping or hanging in the pit. I am grateful for the help Eric is providing. However, I'm hurting everywhere right now.

 

"Ives are you just going to sit there? Move your ass you ain't no child" I opened my eyes and made a tired sound 

"Just one more minute..." I closed my eyes again taking in a deep breath "Whoaa what the fu..!" Eric was lifting me up and throwing me over his shoulder "Damn chill caveman!"

"Shut up." I didn't say anything else for I know that he was serious this time, I could tell he was a bit disappointed in my lack of cooperation during the workout. 

 

He walked with me over one of his shoulders like no big deal. This man was pure muscles... 

One hand was rested on my knees and the other... The other one was holding my thigh so tight and so high up. Thank god that he can't see my flushed face since it's on his back. When we get to his apartment he opens up and doesn't drop me down instead he heads towards the bathroom. When inside he puts me down still holding me in his arms but he is staring right into my eyes pressing my body to his. He is so close and I have no idea where all of this is coming from. He often touches me when it isn't necessary or just keeps himself pretty close to me but never like this. He is holding me so close and I can feel his hot breath and see the complicated, lonely and so lost soul in those beautiful eyes. He leans in his lips grazing my neck before he whispers.    

"Breath"

What? I had not realized that while his body was so calm my was tense and alert. I had been holding my breath. My poster didn't match him, he was leaning into me while I was clutching my shirt and just standing still. I curse at myself, no not me. My damn body for reacting this way. This was Eric. Why was I acting like I was scared of him? I know he can do many things but hurting me physically stopped being one of my concerns ever since the day he punched and threatened a guy he saw at infirmary getting too handsy with me. He deserved it. However, now he had to stay longer since his injuries were more. After telling me to breathe he pushed himself from my fragile form making me realize I've just ruined the moment I had been waiting for so long.

"Take a shower you need it." And the asshole was back... He also sounded mad... He left closing the door with a loud bang

 

I let the water practically burn my skin and help my aching muscles relax, washing my hair with his shampoo that smelled so much like the man in the other room. I finished and stepped out of the shower seeing a pair of boxers and one of his shirts neatly folded in front of me. Had he come in while I was in the shower? Because I swear it wasn't there earlier... If he did that then it means he isn't that mad at me probably more frustrated over the little moment we shared. My theory of him being in here while I was naked in the shower with the glass wall that is very revealing is confirmed when I can't find any of the clothes I wore before in the bathroom connected to his bedroom.

 

Stepping out of the bathroom I fiddle with the ends of the t-shirt he gave me that ends just below my ass. He is on the bed only wearing loose pants and focusing on his laptop.      

"Eric?" god he his breathtaking and that body...     

"hm" he doesn't look up

"Eric." this time he reacts   

"What!?" I clearly interrupted his concentration, I just want to crawl into a corner because of the look he is throwing me. On the other hand, his expression changes when he really looks at me, his gaze drifting towards my bare legs traveling upwards. I was doing it again. Not being able to breathe in this situation. Like he read my mind the frown is now replacing the lust filled gaze he had a minute ago.  

"Eric... I should be heading back to the dorms"

"No"

"but... I'm really tired..." he put down the laptop and lifted the blanket patting on the bed, obviously for me to join but I was too shocked to understand. Was he inviting me to sleep with him? not "sleep with me" like really sleep next to him? In his bed? Was this really Eric?

"Damn it come here Colin I won't bite"   

"Won't anyone wonder where I am? If I'm not in my bunk"

"No" he understood that the simple "no" was not enough.  

"You won't be the only person who doesn't return they won't suspect a thing, and I did tell you that you would get a prize. This is it. It's a way better bed than the damn bunk and it isn't cold as the dorms in here."   

I started to walk towards the bed cause all he was saying did make sense. I crawled in and as soon as I did that his arm pulled me flush to his bare chest like it was the most normal thing, I tensed again.  

"Relax Ivy, just close your eyes." And I did just that, just before I drifted off to a needed slumber I heard him speak so quietly and softly.  

"Since when do you tense in my embrace? What has gotten you so riled up? What are you not telling me? I know I'm not soft or very expressive of emotions other than rage but I think you know that I wouldn't hurt you like I do others."

"hm" was all I could say before the dark took over

"Who is it that you are so frightened of? 


	7. Hold me tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could be triggering for some, mention of rape. Please remember that this is only fiction
> 
> xo

The bed was way more comfortable than anything I've slept on before. I found myself coming into an awakened state at least three times during the night. And each time I was in different positions. However, something was always the same. Eric was pressed to my body holding onto me in his tired state, and god he looked so beautiful. The way that his chest would move from his breathing, his messy hair that usually is neatly fixed had now turned into tiny curls, his skin was soft and tight in all places and the sense of him sent a tingling feeling through my body. What stood out the most was not the relaxed body language but the entire air around him. His gourd was down 

His gourd was down. He wasn't alert and he wasn't aware what was going on around him. My breath hitched and my heart skipped a beat for I realized what this means.  

He trusts me.

And then everything turned black again.

 

"IVY" I was being pinned to the bed and Eric was above me holding my wrists over my head and his hips digging into mine. 

"Ivy, it's me. It's me. Just breath you're safe." He released my wrists and rolled of off me taking my body with him in the progress so that my head was resting on his naked chest and one of my legs were thrown over him. 

"shhhh I'm here" It's then I realized what had just been happening. I had a nightmare. About him.

I was crying and my body was still shaking. "sss...orrryy.." was all I could say

"Ivy don't fucking apologize just tell me who to kill instead" His tone was impatient and I know that there was no use in hiding it anymore and I was honestly scared of his reaction.

"Eric just know that I did all I could and that I didn't give up..." He only pulled me tighter to him and I let out a breath

 

"My so called parents were getting pissed that I spent so much time in dauntless since the internship at the nursery took a lot of my time and less time was left for school. I know I spent a lot of my free time here as well with you and others but that's not what I told them of course. They didn't even give me the chance to come back to Dauntless at all when they decided to cancel my internship and force me to come back to Erudite completely. That's why I never got to tell you goodbye since you were in Amity that week."

"I know Collin. I asked in the infirmary where you went and they told me but I didn't care cause I knew you would be back in 3 months. But that's not what this is all about."

"No it is not. The people in the pit told me to come along to one of the parties held in the abandoned building that has the zipline and of course I tagged along since it was my last night at Dauntless for a while." The tears were running down my cheeks again and Eric was now running his big hand on my back trying to soothe me

"It all happened so fast Eric. When we were there a lot of people from different factions were also there so I ended up loosing my comrades. In my tired and drunk state, I decided to give up the search and head back to Erudite." My nails were digging into his torso trying to gather the strengths to go on

"He grabbed me and pulled me into an empty alley without security cameras, his grip was deadly and he had a knife pressed to my throat. I did not recognize him but he had Dauntless patrol-clothing on. He hit me and he nearly stabbed me and instead cut my lower belly." 

As I said that Erics hand moved to push aside the shirt and have a look at what I had just confirmed. I could see it in his expression that he was hoping that there wouldn't be a cut.  

But there is. He carefully brushed his finger along the scar. "I had to stitch myself up so the training I got from sewing you actually came in handy" He obviously didn't find this as a funny joke so I took some deep breaths and carried on. 

"I..I was sooo scared.." My words came out as whispers and he was holding me so close and delicate as if I would break  

"I fought. I really tried all I had, even broke his nose. But he was too strong. DAMMIT I shouldn't have been drinking so much!"

"Don't dare to blame yourself, Ivy." The way his voice was so soft felt foreign

"He raped me, Eric. And then he left me in a dark alley." My tears had stopped and I was shocked. This is the first time I've addressed it with that word.

 

He didn't say anything. I couldn't really tell what he was thinking either.

"Why didn't you call me or tell me right away Ivy?" He sounded hurt.

"I just, what could you do? I don't even know who he is I only spotted him a day ago and Marlene and Richard had taken away all my electronics that had any dauntless connections the day after fearing that I would come back here, I didn't tell them what happened and of course even though I came home far past 5 in the morning. You see that's what kind of people they are. they won't even notice or care that their daughters been abused."

 

"I'm going to find him and he is going to pay." That sent shivers down my spine, as much as I would want to see him dead I don't want Eric ending up in trouble.

"Eric I don't want you getting yourself in trouble." He kissed my forehead and dried the tears on my cheek. "The only person in trouble is the dead man walking who hurt what is mine." 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and tell me what you think this is my first fanfic ever and I really appreciate your feedback bad or good!  
> XX


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